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<title>Keep calm and, for fuck's sake, stop digging by whimsicalSwindler (Spammy_Wits)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23488792">Keep calm and, for fuck's sake, stop digging</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spammy_Wits/pseuds/whimsicalSwindler'>whimsicalSwindler (Spammy_Wits)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Low effort ficlets [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dave suffers from foot in mouth syndrome, POV Second Person, freudian slip be like that sometimes, rated for accidental innuendo, they're not actually in a relationship yet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:07:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23488792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spammy_Wits/pseuds/whimsicalSwindler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which shit's so obvious it goes all the way back around to being a mystery</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Low effort ficlets [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689382</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Keep calm and, for fuck's sake, stop digging</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="main"><p>Your name is Dave Strider. You are currently avoiding your hive mate on the grounds of shit’s awkward, yo. You think you might as well call it a day after the huge amounts of inuendo you’ve accidentally spilled all over your best bro after running into him getting rid of the dubious contents of a bucket when he left the door of the bathroom open like a total spazz and being unable to think about anything else since.</p><p>During your years of cohabitation you have stumbled upon each other in various levels of undress, which is a minor problem by itself, considering your ongoing struggle with sexuality and non-platonic feelings about the guy, but this is the first time you’ve been handed the excuse to think about his more intimate habits, even if that bucket was probably just filled with cleaning supplies.</p><p>You are no stranger to Freudian slips and this is not the first time you have directed them at your bro but the ones you’ve been spewing constantly since morning and their dose of explicit content with almost no response from him have finally convinced you that there’s absolutely no hope for romantic pursuit right now, if ever. After all, you can’t exactly brush off comments like:</p>
<p></p><div class="dave"><p>do you want some cream on your manmeat?</p><p>…</p><p>fuck!</p><p>meat man?</p></div><p>During Taco Tuesday or ask for sauce like:</p>
<p></p><div class="dave"><p>give me some of that sweet red goop</p><p>shit lets forget i said that</p><p>christ</p></div><p>Without making the other party feel the crushing weight of callous rejection pressing down on them.</p><p>***</p><p>Your name is Karkat Vantas. You think your hive mate might be trying to rile you up for fun. As of late, you’ve gotten pretty good at not giving him the satisfaction.</p><p>If it was anyone else you’d consider the events of the day as blatant and, to be honest, quite welcome concupiscent solicitation- yet, as far as you’re aware, your best friend is still stuck on his planet’s weird human sexuality hangups.</p><p>You’re certain that the pandead fuckwit wouldn’t get over something that defined him for so long without telling you about it.</p></div>
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